Grumpy Young(ish) Man...
Well, it's all over now sadly, so time to sum up. I've also started making a Rough Guide (good title that!) to RTW trips, but as it was turning into a major tome, I've parked it for the minute!
First of all, what didn't I enjoy??? (the positive, happy bunny email will follow...)
Conway's dislikes
Immigration controls
On a 6 month trip, you cross a lot of borders, nearly all of which require (outside of Europe) require you to fill in a form, with lots of irritating questions...
Race
This was asked by Brunei, Lao and Cambodia. Why? The standard smartalec response back in South African apartheid days was 'human', though I was more tempted by the slightly surreal '110m hurdles'...
Occupation
a) Why does this matter?
b) Who checks what you say anyway!
For ease of passage, I stated 'accountant' rather than 'unemployed travel bum', but if I had stated 'marxist freedom fighter', 'anti government journalist' or 'pimp' would I have been allowed in?
Employer
Not having a current employer, I stated Vantis. The idea that immigration control would phone up Vantis checking my records is laughable, but then I knew that HR would pretend for me. Well probably (and after a bribe or two)
Address in that country
Um, quite often I hadn't pre booked, so I just quoted where I might stay...anyway, as I would then be travelling around the country, I wouldn't be there anyway!
Sarawak
Part of Malaysia, but not for immigration control purposes! Having two active stamps for one country struck me as a bit silly!
Day trips
If only all border guards were as understanding as those on one of the Malaysia Thailand borders, where men crossing for a bit of, ahem, pleasure with ladies of the night are waved through with no passport stamps (to stop wives and partners finding out!)
Countries using the US$
It's bad enough trying to work out one foreign currency, but when a country (like Lao or Cambodia) uses several it gets very confusing! Having to use US$ for major expenses in Lao and Cambodia (such as hotels and visas) meant trawling around bureau de change in Thailand looking for one with a decent supply of dollar bills!
Asian Traffic
Manic motorbikes, scary bus drivers, non existant pavements, pollution, noise...
Aussie outback flies!
As annoying as everyone says they are...it's as if an Australian pied piper led all the continent's flies to the deserted centre of the country and left them there!
Logging
Mass logging is still going on in many countries, will they learn before it's too late?
Travelling to Fraser island from Brisbane
4 hours each way, sitting sideways in the back of a wallowy military style Land Cruiser. Agony!
New Zealand TV
Pretty poor really, Channel 1 news is as hard hitting and international as East Anglia today...(Australia's ABC news is a lot better) a distinct lack of home produced drama too (so they watch Coronation Street instead...)
The Ghan
So much of Australia's countryside, frankly, is really boring. A long overnight train trip like the Ghan across the outback sounded really interesting, but in practice, after a few hours of staring out at the same thorny scrub and bushes, that nice short airpane flight alternative becomes really tempting...the seats are poorly designed too, no foot room, and an annoying foot rest that gets in the way (my one was broken so they had to tie it up with string!)
Great Barrier Reef
Unless you're comfortable in water (and believe me being in the middle of an ocean, several miles from land is a lot different than the local swimming pool), stick to Australia's excellent acquariums, where you can watch the exotic fish close up without getting seasick or doing the yard of seawater!
Cambodian TV World Cup coverage
Putting adverts on during 'pauses' e.g. corners, injuries, but not short adverts you can cut back from but nice long, full length ones so you keep missing play!!! Perhaps that's why there were so many feigned injuries, they were so Camdodian tv could run a toothpaste advert for the 20th time that game.
Most annoying cancellation
The cancellation of my helicopter flight over the Grand Canyon, due to lack of numbers - it still rankles, especially when I recently spoke to someone who said how much she had enjoyed her Grand Canyon helicopter ride, a real highlight!!!
Having to get to Manly by bus, due to a ferry strike - the ferry there through Sydney Harbour, and past the Opera House is a Sydney highlight.
Worst accommodation
Poinsettia Motel, Cairns Australia - truly horrible place, yukky ancient looking room with geriatric pointless air con, permanently-on-low-and-nothing-else fan, bathroom window that didn't shut so all the hot humid air came in from outside...they never emptied my bin once in 3 days, and wouldn't let me store my luggage there on my final day. Oh, did I mention, POINSETTIA MOTEL CAIRNS
Okid Cottage, Johor Bahru Malaysia - Johor Bahru is a dull place. Staying in a business suburb 10km from town is torture...the highlight of my stay there was watching a giant game of snakes and ladders in the shopping mall!
Least favourite places
No places were without their good points, and I managed to miss out NZ's Palmerston North (which John Cleese had a good go at -"If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick"!) and drove through Hamilton (was everyone at Tim and April's wedding from Hamilton?)
Los Angeles - too many scary people, even when you're in the nice areas (Santa Monica and Venice are attractive coastal suburbs) to feel totally comfortable...
Canberra - Australia's pointless capital. In the middle of nowhere and ridiculously laid out, so that it takes forever to cross from one side to the other. A few good museums, so I'd get the contents moved to Sydney or Melbourne before flattening the city and returning the land to pasture!
Johor Bahru, Malaysia - deeply dull, don't stay here when Singapore is short distance away across the causeway!
Phnom Penh - just a bit horrible really, the dirt, noise, nutty motorbikes, beggars...and it floods everywhere when it rains. Like Bangkok, but worse...
And finally...
Coming Home!!!
Coming back after such a trip is horrible, especially landing at Luton Airport! I think, like Sun UV exposure, it would be have been better if I built up my Chav exposure gradually rather than having such a strong exposure on my first day
First of all, what didn't I enjoy??? (the positive, happy bunny email will follow...)
Conway's dislikes
Immigration controls
On a 6 month trip, you cross a lot of borders, nearly all of which require (outside of Europe) require you to fill in a form, with lots of irritating questions...
Race
This was asked by Brunei, Lao and Cambodia. Why? The standard smartalec response back in South African apartheid days was 'human', though I was more tempted by the slightly surreal '110m hurdles'...
Occupation
a) Why does this matter?
b) Who checks what you say anyway!
For ease of passage, I stated 'accountant' rather than 'unemployed travel bum', but if I had stated 'marxist freedom fighter', 'anti government journalist' or 'pimp' would I have been allowed in?
Employer
Not having a current employer, I stated Vantis. The idea that immigration control would phone up Vantis checking my records is laughable, but then I knew that HR would pretend for me. Well probably (and after a bribe or two)
Address in that country
Um, quite often I hadn't pre booked, so I just quoted where I might stay...anyway, as I would then be travelling around the country, I wouldn't be there anyway!
Sarawak
Part of Malaysia, but not for immigration control purposes! Having two active stamps for one country struck me as a bit silly!
Day trips
If only all border guards were as understanding as those on one of the Malaysia Thailand borders, where men crossing for a bit of, ahem, pleasure with ladies of the night are waved through with no passport stamps (to stop wives and partners finding out!)
Countries using the US$
It's bad enough trying to work out one foreign currency, but when a country (like Lao or Cambodia) uses several it gets very confusing! Having to use US$ for major expenses in Lao and Cambodia (such as hotels and visas) meant trawling around bureau de change in Thailand looking for one with a decent supply of dollar bills!
Asian Traffic
Manic motorbikes, scary bus drivers, non existant pavements, pollution, noise...
Aussie outback flies!
As annoying as everyone says they are...it's as if an Australian pied piper led all the continent's flies to the deserted centre of the country and left them there!
Logging
Mass logging is still going on in many countries, will they learn before it's too late?
Travelling to Fraser island from Brisbane
4 hours each way, sitting sideways in the back of a wallowy military style Land Cruiser. Agony!
New Zealand TV
Pretty poor really, Channel 1 news is as hard hitting and international as East Anglia today...(Australia's ABC news is a lot better) a distinct lack of home produced drama too (so they watch Coronation Street instead...)
The Ghan
So much of Australia's countryside, frankly, is really boring. A long overnight train trip like the Ghan across the outback sounded really interesting, but in practice, after a few hours of staring out at the same thorny scrub and bushes, that nice short airpane flight alternative becomes really tempting...the seats are poorly designed too, no foot room, and an annoying foot rest that gets in the way (my one was broken so they had to tie it up with string!)
Great Barrier Reef
Unless you're comfortable in water (and believe me being in the middle of an ocean, several miles from land is a lot different than the local swimming pool), stick to Australia's excellent acquariums, where you can watch the exotic fish close up without getting seasick or doing the yard of seawater!
Cambodian TV World Cup coverage
Putting adverts on during 'pauses' e.g. corners, injuries, but not short adverts you can cut back from but nice long, full length ones so you keep missing play!!! Perhaps that's why there were so many feigned injuries, they were so Camdodian tv could run a toothpaste advert for the 20th time that game.
Most annoying cancellation
The cancellation of my helicopter flight over the Grand Canyon, due to lack of numbers - it still rankles, especially when I recently spoke to someone who said how much she had enjoyed her Grand Canyon helicopter ride, a real highlight!!!
Having to get to Manly by bus, due to a ferry strike - the ferry there through Sydney Harbour, and past the Opera House is a Sydney highlight.
Worst accommodation
Poinsettia Motel, Cairns Australia - truly horrible place, yukky ancient looking room with geriatric pointless air con, permanently-on-low-and-nothing-else fan, bathroom window that didn't shut so all the hot humid air came in from outside...they never emptied my bin once in 3 days, and wouldn't let me store my luggage there on my final day. Oh, did I mention, POINSETTIA MOTEL CAIRNS
Okid Cottage, Johor Bahru Malaysia - Johor Bahru is a dull place. Staying in a business suburb 10km from town is torture...the highlight of my stay there was watching a giant game of snakes and ladders in the shopping mall!
Least favourite places
No places were without their good points, and I managed to miss out NZ's Palmerston North (which John Cleese had a good go at -"If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick"!) and drove through Hamilton (was everyone at Tim and April's wedding from Hamilton?)
Los Angeles - too many scary people, even when you're in the nice areas (Santa Monica and Venice are attractive coastal suburbs) to feel totally comfortable...
Canberra - Australia's pointless capital. In the middle of nowhere and ridiculously laid out, so that it takes forever to cross from one side to the other. A few good museums, so I'd get the contents moved to Sydney or Melbourne before flattening the city and returning the land to pasture!
Johor Bahru, Malaysia - deeply dull, don't stay here when Singapore is short distance away across the causeway!
Phnom Penh - just a bit horrible really, the dirt, noise, nutty motorbikes, beggars...and it floods everywhere when it rains. Like Bangkok, but worse...
And finally...
Coming Home!!!
Coming back after such a trip is horrible, especially landing at Luton Airport! I think, like Sun UV exposure, it would be have been better if I built up my Chav exposure gradually rather than having such a strong exposure on my first day
posted by Michael Conway at
1:35 am
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